The way I see things is that life is full of seasons of learning, there are many season and so much to learn. I am in a season of learning to lean more upon the Lord than ever in before in my life and I am doing as much learning about healing cancer naturally to help support my body as we navigate this journey.
One of the resources I found has some video podcasts of testimonies that I started today. I have been thinking about the one I started today, where the lady shared that her initial reaction was to be angry at God. I imagine there are many reactions that people have and that caused me to think about my initial reaction and what my mindset has been like over these past several weeks.
As I remember hearing the diagnosis after the colonoscopy, I remember feeling like I was in a cloud. After reading other people's responses, it seems that is common and could somewhat also be a result of the anesthesia not being worn off. I don't remember it feeling all that real and I didn't have the reaction I would have expected myself to have. A blessing from the Lord was that I got this diagnosis the day before going to a Dove M.Int (Master Intensive) as that was a great way to build up and activate the beginnings of increased faith for this journey of healing.
While I have wondered about what compromised my body being that I have eaten pretty clean for several years, I realize that this journey has drawn me closer to the Lord and that makes me very thankful. I have had moments of trying to remember what it was like before the diagnosis, of wondering what this journey will be like, of wondering what the rest of my life will look like, and I can only attribute that I haven't gone deeper into those kinds of thoughts to the grace and mercy of the Lord. After talking to some of the doctors I have had to pick myself back up as far as mindset goes and give it over to the Lord. But, for the most part I have had an unusual, for me, peace that could only be from the Lord. Listening to the lady in the podcast today share that her initial reaction was to be angry at God caused me to think back on all this and just be thankful that I have felt the Lord through all this. I trust Him so much and I believe He has good for me. I don't believe He did this to me, but I do believe He is going to use this for my good and for His glory. There have been so many experiences I have had already that I wouldn't have experienced any other way that have deeply moved my heart. I have met very special people that I wouldn't have met any other way, that I am so thankful to know. I have felt so cared for and loved by so many people. I would never choose to go through this, but at the same time I am finding myself experiencing gratitude for the blessings I have been experiencing. No matter what is ahead, I just want to glorify the Lord because He is so good to me!
One of my scripture declaration cards stuck out to me today and felt like it went along with what the Lord was showing me and I thought I would share it with you all.
Lord, because of your faithful love
I do not perish before my appointed time, for Your mercies never end.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lord, You are my portion,
Therefore I put my hope in You!
~Lamentations 3:22-24
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