Navigating this journey and doing what I know to stay in God's will is quite the journey. It seems every day I gain new thoughts, ideas and perspective. I am learning what true surrender is in a situation like this. I am surrendering all I know, including my ideas about medicine, both natural and western medicine. I have seen and experienced falters in both, but know that both can be beneficial too. I have such a background of being an absolutist and, with God, that doesn't seem to fit who He is. He knows what each and every one of us needs and for the same issue, He may lead one person down one path and another person a different path... in our human minds that like rules and checklists, it's hard to wrap our mind around that.
With that said, Monday I met an answer to one of my prayers. I asked the Lord to lead me to an oncologist that will work with me the way I want, that will guide me but not try to control me, but will also tell me hard truths. I met him and his partner yesterday. I felt heard and he also acknowledged that the medical community has hurt many people and it frustrates him. He says he tries to treat people without hurting them as much as he can. He reiterated that it's my body and everything I do is my decision and he will support every choice I make in this journey, whether he thinks it is what is best for me or not. Feeling heard in that way reduced me to tears.
So, I feel like he explained the cancer so much better than anyone else. He believes the status of the MRI on 5/17 of the cancer makes me a good candidate for me to have minimal chemo if I go that route. He also was very clear on the type of my cancer and what is known for it's responsive rate to immunotherapy, which is minimal, but he wants me to get more on that from the ND. So, as of today, I am moving forward in full force with all the natural means and he has ordered chemo with the idea that if I decide to go for it, he has it and we can get it started ASAP and if I don't they can send it back. I will be meeting again with him at the end of the month and likely doing another MRI to assess.
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